Postcard From Freetown: Reflections!

Moments have gone by and time is still relatively waiting for no man. This is the reality we are faced with as earthlings. I sit on a chair on my balcony reflecting and reminiscence the thoughts that flow through my mind, words lingers to chaste. It has been a while I put pen to paper and I can’t say it’s a writer’s block but rather I’ll succumb to the sentiment that it was a wilful decision to stop writing, read more about what others are writing, immerse myself in these spaces to acquire more knowledge, ideology, views, opinions, sentiments and indulge in the literal thinking of others.

It has been a long journey these past few months. It has worth the time and every moment in these spaces was groundbreaking as I had faced my fears, open my mind to see the world from others point of view, paying for my sins and taking responsibility for my past actions both commission and omission without playing the blame game. As the sun caresses my face, and the wind kisses me, soothing feeling it is. I embrace this space of appreciating, the breath of life, the gift to assimilate and think as I channelled this cause of seeing a generation of young men and women resonating to the highest height that life can produce and the desire to see the sons and daughters of this beautiful land living their dreams to the fullest someday without being oppressed by any sundry.

I am reminded of my own story, pain, weaknesses and strength and the learning patterns and curves I had to embark on to be where I am today, which I am still discovering. The passing away of my mother still hunt me daily. The reality of having a father that is practically alive but dead in action is sickening. Every day I search and dig deep within me for the unrelenting strength to go on and believe in my dreams to be the change I want to see in the world and to my generation (the youths of Africa).

Life will always go on regardless of your situation and circumstances, that is the ultimate truth that protrudes us daily but some live in denial to accept this truth. In the space of two years I have published two books and the third is due out this year. Reflecting on how all these came about is worth thanking the divine that has been the source of my inspiration and the giver of this gift of words. Friends like Audrey Beckford, Paul Simone, (TamareHouse UK), Bianca Williams (Black Heritage Magazine UK), Athi Geleba, Lusinda, Gugu Mhlungu Sindi van Zyl, Busi N, Dineo Motsoeneng, Paulina Joy, Rami Chuene, Khomotso to mention a few, have been amazing and to make it even more worth telling, my family of the brotherhood, men who are working towards making a difference to our society, Jimmy Grant Monareng, Romeo Mabasa, Tendia Sean Joe, Sentlese Dikanyo, Ulwazi Dladla Mgwadleka, Simon Hughes, Ndivha, Rushay, Siyabulela the list is endless. These men inspire the living day out of me. What would life be without these fine brothers that are ready to take on the world, put Africa out there on the map and correct the wrong mentality & ideology that has corroded many regarding Africa and it youths around the world?

In retrospection, l had to readjust my mind to the reality that we only live ones and I have to start maximizing each and every moment of my life. The alarm bell went off in my head when my best and closest friend Audrey Beckford BBM me to tell me she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Tears flow through my eyes like a passing stream, pain from the abyss of my core torment my mind as I try to come to terms with the reality of this news. Audrey is a beautiful soul that is making so much difference in the UK for “Black” kids to have proper and good education and all of a sudden she is greeted with a deadly disease that spears no one. Amazing, how she is full of so much hope, comforting me to be strong and I still can’t understand what a super human being she is. Hence I always say, she is the “diamond” standard of my life. I do believe she will beat cancer and the testimony we shall tell the world together someday soon.

It has been a tumultuous journey and a hard time for me personally, as I had to make drastic and calculated decision to stay aloof all that is being thrown at me from spaces and sources I have no idea where they came from. I resort to ideas to figure things out and I am still locked in that space. My integrity has been put on the line and the amazing part is those that know me or have known me over the years have stood by me. The reality of not underestimating the essence and importance of family I now have come to terms with. It is very important against all odds to stay in contact and at peace with one’s family regardless of whatever the circumstances. The support has been endless from friends, the love has been relishing and all I can say is thank you.

I’ve decided to face life head on and dance to the music that is being played for me and negotiate my way across high hills and low waters. At the end of the day, the truth is a defining factor that will stand the test of time. I keep on asking myself, can one man be wrong at all times? We all have a past and have made mistakes that we’ve learned from and have moved on. Can a person’s past be held against them when there is immense evidence to prove and show that a huge amount of restitution, responsibility and change has transpired for the betterment of the individual and society at large?

South Africa has housed me for more than six years now and my home is there and I love this nation as much as she loves me. Beautiful people and tenacious souls everywhere. In the midst of having so many shortcoming and issues that are yet to be resolved, the amount of progress cannot be underestimated as we strive towards the emancipation of our people and country. So I intend to be part of the progressive and solution oriented persons that will contribute positively to the furtherance of this nation within the confines of the law and the constitution of the land. I have indeed defaulted in some ways unintentionally and I hope I’ll be forgiven considering the effort I have personally put in making things right but woefully failed in some instances.

My desire is to see my son Malakai who is at the time of writing this piece is seven plus months old. It is so painful and heartbreaking that the dream of being a father is being damped by a woman that think life is all about her and her dreams and none else’s matters, forgetting the fact that a child deserves both parents in his or her life regardless of parental differences. Every day I pray for you Malakai, daddy loves you so much and words cannot explain my desire to show you all the love in the world a father can give to his son. I am not giving up on this quest; prayers can make the impossible possible. I know one day you I will be father to you.

As I reflect on all these issues and on life itself, I hope against hope that in the end of it all, I will be vindicated and my desire to live a life that comprises of my inklings and realities will surface. I have fallen, I have made mistakes and I might as well offended many unintentionally. I am human and all I can ask is for forgiveness as I have forgiven those that have done the same vices to me. All that is left of me is to live and chase down this dream into fruition – To experience of fatherhood. To be able to see a society that is alive with possibilities, young men and women soaring above the skies and flying without wings with passion for their dreams and the creed they live for.

I hope to see one day, an Africa that has come to full maturity and transcend all the odds and obstacles that were set before her. I desire to see an Africa that have a new breed of sons and daughters without greed. Men and women that have stood the test of time and their testimony is an inspiration for those to come. I’ve been sent home by the powers that be but I am “going nowhere” regardless of what happened. I stand to revolve and revolutionize my own self into being the change I want to see in the world. South Africa is my home and my love for her is endless – I will return and raise my son in his country of birth and more so live in this land I fell in love with since I was seven years old. I hope she’ll forgive me and embrace me like the prodigal son. South Africa, I am reflecting on you daily and the memories are beautiful to keep my hope alive. Malakai – daddy will be home soon. I love you my son. I have made mistakes but daddy has not failed you. – I am coming home to you my boy.

@DanteBello on Twitter

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