Postcard From Freetown: Dear Malakai

Dear Malakai,

I have sinned against you my son but I have not failed you. I have messed up in my life but I made peace with my past since your mother announced your conception. I remember how my eyes lit in glory when your mother sent me the first scanned picture of you as you formed in her womb. I remember the joy of knowing I will be father to you someday.

Malakai my boy, daddy is in a far away land home away from home. Every day I wake up seeing the Atlantic Ocean, wishing you were here with me, to play and do boys stuff together on the white sand beaches of Freetown. Malakai, daddy misses you so much and everyday it is a daunting task to wake up knowing that we are separated.

If I could, I would bring you nothing but joy, I would reach up to heaven and get you a star but my arms are short and heaven is far. I will teach you all that you need to know; prepare you for tomorrow. Life can be simple, but really, it is not. Learn to make the best with what you have. I wish I could tuck you in every night, making sure you sleep sound and tight.

Moreover, when you are asleep I will shed a tear and then be thankful that tomorrow is near. I wish I could teach you how to live my boy, with only a smile because you are what make my life worthwhile even though you are far away from me. I wish I could see you grow and share your every dream, cheer for you as you make the first team.

I wish I could be your shelter and your shield because life is really just a big battlefield. I wish I could make your arm strong my boy, and give you a sword and you will be the topic when I speak to the Lord every day. I stand between the porch and the altar, praying for the day I will hold you high and be a father, your hero and your friend. When that day arrives, I promise to care for you because that is what I strive and live for. Before you were born boy, I have heard your heart beat. The serendipity of life is so bitter sweet. Now grow strong boy, and be rest assured of what I said, I meant every word. You’ve taken your first breath without me feeling that warmth and joy of a father, forgive me Malakai, it is my desire to experience this joy but your mother took that moment away from me and I am not blaming her either. Maybe mummy is hurting, or maybe my best was not enough to bring succour to her.

Every day I pray for a miracle, that I will be a father to you before I die. Every day I pray that your mother will see the light and the need to understand that I deserve to be in your life. I keep praying that you will forgive me someday because you deserve both parents in your life. Every day I pray and keep praying for you Malakai.

Tell Mummy that daddy loves her still despite all the odds, she’s forgiven but we can’t be together anymore. Malakai my son, daddy is coming home to take up my responsibility and be a father to you. For as long as I have breath in me – I will see the light of day till my desire becomes a reality. Malakai! I am coming home – pray for me my son – daddy love you my boy. “I have messed up but I have not failed you.”

Sincerely,

Dante.

@DanteBello on Twitter.

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