Postcard from Freetown: Six months since I left South Africa

It is now six month to be exact since I left South Africa for my country of birth – Freetown, Sierra Leone – It has been a process of readjusting myself to the life in Freetown and to be honest I am finding it hard to – The slow pace lifestyle down here is just not my thing – I love the fast pace, mind your business, information flow, politically and socially charged kind of setup of South Africa where you have to be on top of your game to keep up as things evolve.

Karma has visited me in full since this year started and I have layered myself on the threshing floor to go through the process of harvesting the seeds sown in the past years in exchange for starting anew. Pressed on every side – I am holding on thin ropes to see me through the season.

A fortnight ago was my little sister twenty-second birthday. She has grown almost reaching my stature – amazingly, she is beginning to look a lot more like our mum – Whenever I look at her, I see a reflection of our mother. Memories fall, I am reminded of the pain of missing mum not being around by her when I look at her – I am forced to wonder back into places I am trying to outgrow in thoughts but I don’t see that happening any time soon – I have decided to embrace the moment and use the memories of my late mother to stir me into this path of starting anew that I am now on.

Every day I walk towards forgiveness, using sage elements to teach myself to understand that the forgiveness of self is a vital omen in releasing oneself from the negative lynchpin of the past and at the same time using the lesson learnt from mistakes as guidelines into starting afresh. I am presently on this lonely narrow wide path and it is my wish to envelop these moments to my advantage in the days to come.

I have been asked about my family and why they are not coming to my aid in this down turn moments of my life – The reality is my family died in 2002, she was my mother.

As I reflect on my journeys so far – I celebrate her because despite her short span on earth – she gave me un-measurable love, her hustle was pure, her words of wisdom anchors on in my ears till this day – her life and all that she survives during the civil war in Sierra Leone in ensuring that I was not abducted to join the RUF rebels as a child soldier, I cannot but be grateful for her tenacity as a single parent to dodge bullets and grenade bombs and make sure that, that does not happened. Thank you mama, for it was all worth it.

Death has visited me several times. Last night we had a discussion, a feisty one if I may say. Do I really want to die now, take my life and leave this planet into somewhere I have no clue of what’s out there for me? I don’t think so. I am not ready to make that decision of leaving my two sisters behind to fend all by themselves – I promise Mama I’ll take care of them. Will that not be selfish on my path making permanent decisions because of temporary setbacks? I still can’t come to conclusion but so far the vision ahead of me would not let me venture into such – Grace to hold on and stay on my two feet I ask the Universe to grant me daily.

As I lament and let my manly ego down into admitting that life is hard for me now – so hard in that in my sacred space and solitary moments I cry and let the steam out, holding on to hope and waiting for a new opening to be granted to me in due season.

I am hoping that when the set time and time of life is here, I will look back to reflect and be thankful for all that I have been through.

As I walk on this lonely path of retribution – seeking forgiveness and mercy for a fresh start and a chance to reignite and realign myself back into a place of purpose – I have an announcement to make to all those who have counted me out and said: ‘I am finished’ – ‘No, I am not finished and I am coming out of this season unscathed with my head held high.’

I lay on this threshing floor in Freetown waiting for that which I am here for to unfold – “the ashes on my bed are keeping me warm, healing all the sore wounds on my body – music has been my comfort – poetry my joy – as I go through the processes and different stages of healing.”

– The divine is blessing me with words to write on the empty canvass readily made available to me, penning down every word given to me as the ink drips from my pen onto the canvass.

I am thankful for life that in the midst of it all – I am not complaining but embracing all that I am going through each day and in the end hope to come out still standing on my two feet.

To my son Malakai back in South Africa – I miss you so much and every day I go on my knees and pray for you – My tears will not fade nor dry until the day I am reunited with you – Be rest assured my boy, daddy will be home someday soon, Omega (Godson) that goes to you too.

Zolile take care of your mum – she is a beautiful soul and deserves nothing other than the best.

To Joni Malakai’s mum, thank you. Despite our differences – I am still celebrating you and hope we will see eye to eye someday when all this madness simmer down at least for the sake of our child.

To the Universe – I am asking on you to grant me a new beginning, a fresh start as I embark on this journey of reformation, retribution and restitution.

I am coming home to South Africa but for now it has been six months transiting in the Lion Mountains and Peninsula’s of Freetown.

@dantebello on Twitter.

 

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